For most people, receiving a diagnosis of cancer is one of the most frightening, disorienting, and challenging experiences that they will ever have. Along with the diagnosis comes an avalanche of questions that must be answered, emotions that must be dealt with, and logistical considerations that must be worked out. Unfortunately, however, most patients and family members find themselves catapulted into this overwhelmingly stressful and fearful experience without any prior knowledge or understanding about what is really happening to them - or what they should do to best help themselves or their loved one. Furthermore, the explosion of information that is now available about cancer and various treatment options often makes this experience even more distressing and confusing for patients and family members alike.
This article is the first in a series designed to provide a basic overview of what cancer is, and what to do when you or a loved one has cancer. It is intended to serve as a guide to help patients and family members navigate their way through this most extraordinary experience.
Let's begin at the beginning. "I've just been diagnosed with cancer. What should I do?" Remarkable as it may seem, it is a question that one three people alive in America today will ask at some point in their lives, and which nearly one and a half million people will ask in just this coming year alone. There are many aspects and dimensions to the answer to this question. Here are a few important highlights that can help you begin:
1. Recognize that fear is natural, and know that it can be overcome.
As a practicing medical oncologist, and also as someone who has gone through the experience of cancer with loved ones, I know and understand very well that dealing with cancer is a ballet that will be waged on four equally important levels: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Despite the usual focus that is placed on the physical dimensions of cancer, I have found - over many years of experience in dealing with this disease - that the mental, emotional, and spiritual challenges encountered by patients and family alike are, in fact, often as immediate, urgent, and distressing as the physical ones, if not more so. If you are dealing with a diagnosis of cancer at this time, and are experiencing fear and doubt, please understand that fear is a completely normal reaction in a situation like this. Begin to develop the conviction that your fear can, and will, be overcome. Recognize that you need love, support, and high quality, reliable information at this moment, and rest assured that you can and will find it. No matter how scared or confused you may be feeling right now, you must consciously choose to believe that you or your loved one will get the care and support that is needed an deserved. Decide right now that you will seek out and take advantage of the comfort and emotional support that can assist you greatly during this time.
2. Slow down the decision-making process.
In the initial phase of dealing with cancer many, many decisions have to be made. Oftentimes, people report feeling a tremendous sense of urgency to make decisions about what kind of treatment to have, including surgery, chemotherapy, or radiation therapy. This adds even greater stress to an already difficult time. In fact, however, there are very few instances in dealing with cancer where such urgency is truly warranted. In the vast majority of cancers there is time to slow the process down - at the very least for a period of days - to gather information and support that can be extremely valuable. Don't allow yourself to be frightened or pressured into making any decisions about your treatment until you feel clear about your choices. Slow down the decision-making process, and remember to take time to breathe, and breathe deeply!
3. Ask yourself this question: Do I have trust and have confidence in my doctor?
This is a very basic, fundamental question that I believe is vitally important for all patients to ask - and to answer honestly. In order to safely and effectively navigate your way through the diagnosis and treatment of cancer, you must have a qualified guide! Your guide must be well-trained and experienced in dealing with your kind of cancer. They must care about you as an individual, and you must be able to feel that they care and truly have your best interests at heart. You must also be able to communicate with them easily. This is so important, and here's why: In many instances, dealing with cancer is very straightforward, and it is very clear what to do. In many, many other instances, however, the best course of action or treatment to undertake is not at all clear. In those situations, having a guide that you truly trust and with whom you can easily communicate becomes of the utmost importance. For example, for many cancers a wide array of options and different treatment approaches exist. Each has its own set of advantages, disadvantages, risks, benefits and potential toxicities. Appreciating all of these distinctions can take time and careful consideration. In these instances, it becomes even more important for you to feel that you can talk with your doctor, and adequately addressed. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. What to do in this situation? You must first decide that you are not willing to compromise on this aspect of your care. You must find and choose an oncologist that you have real confidence in, who you can talk to, and who you feel genuinely respects your input, feelings, perspective and wishes. This may require interviewing a few different oncologists before you find one who feels "right" for you. Don't hesitate to get a "second opinion" - or as many as you need - until you feel at ease with your doctor and the option presented to you. Your relationship with your oncologist may become one of the most important relationships in your life, so make sure you are comfortable and confident before you proceed.
4. Recognize that your physical body needs love and attention, but so do your mind, heart and spirit.
Cancer is most certainly a crisis that is occurring in the physical body, and it is imperative that patients receive the very best possible medical care for their disease. Furthermore, this care must be guided by a competent, caring, and qualified guide, and administered in an impeccable manner. However, as we have already mentioned, cancer often challenges the mind, heart and spirit of patients and family members as deeply - if not more deeply - than it challenges the physical body. One of the biggest mistakes made in dealing with cancer is that all of the focus is usually placed on the kind of medical treatment that will be administered, and the mind, heart and spirit of everyone involved is ignored. This is very unfortunate because, if healing is to be complete, than all of the dimensions of who we are as human beings must be addressed. Once again, receiving the very best medical care, including chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery, is of the utmost importance. However, it is equally important to remember that you are a whole human being, with more than just a physical body. There is, in fact, so much more to who you are than can be measured on a blood test, or seen on a CT scan, X-ray or MRI. Your physical body definitely needs love an attention, but your mind, heart, and spirit also need and deserve equal love an attention, particularly at this most critical time in your life. Be sure that you acknowledge this, and take time every single day to honor and care for these other dimensions of who you are.
5. Recognize that life is a journey, and so is dealing with cancer.
It is completely normal and understandable that, when dealing with cancer, you want to find all of the answers to your questions, right now! When you feel that your very life is at stake, or the life of your loved one, it is hard not to be impatient, and to feel that you must have all that you want provided immediately. After all, human beings tend to want as much control and certainty as possible, and as quickly as possible, in every situation. This is quite natural. In fact, in many situations this tendency is actually very important in helping you find the answers and solutions that you seek. However, when dealing with cancer, a balance is needed between this kind of pro-active, aggressive, "take charge" kind of energy and activity, and the opposite energy which cultivates a sense of trust, faith and inner confidence that you will indeed by guided and find the answers that you need. Life is a journey, and so is dealing with cancer. Everything in life has a rhythm, a natural unfolding, and this is also true for anyone's experience with cancer. It is important to work hard and seek out the answers and information and care that you need. However, it is also important not to forget that your body, mind, heart and spirit also need time to rest, and time to be quiet. Give yourself time to rest and become quiet - each and every day. Remember that it will take some time for you to find all of the answers to the questions you have, questions which are understandably burning in your mind, heart and soul. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, and know that dealing with cancer is a process that you can and will become skilled and masterful at. Recognize that - right now - more resources exist to help and guide you thought this journey than ever before in history, and these resources are available to you. You can find what you need, and you will.
